Hong Kong Observatory — Official Weather Notices (FICTIONAL)

⚠ OBSERVATORY ANNOUNCEMENT

The following notices are issued for the comfort of the public. Members of the public are advised to look outside, then decide.

Typhoon Signal No. 11 — the supernumerary signal, issued when the Observatory has run out of numbers. Please remain indoors and do not ask questions.
Very Mild Weather Warning — it is slightly breezy. Nothing to worry about. This warning is issued for completeness.
Chance of Clouds Advisory — clouds are possible today. Some may be large.
Amber Humidity Advisory — you are now part of the air.
Frost Warning — issued for your freezer. Your freezer has been notified.
Tsunami Advisory — a small wave has been reported. It is friendly. Do not wave back.

Special Bulletin — Typhoon Signal No. 11

THE SUPER NUMERARY SIGNAL

The Observatory will raise the signal to No. 12 if the numbers arrive. The numbers have not arrived. The Observatory is waiting.

The signal is expected to remain in force until it stops. Members of the public should secure loose items, and their expectations.

Issued at 11:40 (the time is also weather) · Next update: when there is one · Enquiries: the window

Today's Warning (7 in force — a record)

Typhoon Signal No. 11

Very Mild Weather Warning

Chance of Clouds Advisory

Amber Humidity Advisory

Slight Drizzle (Decorative)

Gentle Breeze Notice

Unsettled Weather Advisory

Frost Warning (Freezer)

Warning Summary

All warnings currently in force, and for how long
Warning	In force since	Status
Typhoon Signal No. 11	Since the numbers ran out	In force
Very Mild Weather Warning	Tuesday	In force, mildly
Chance of Clouds Advisory	Always	Ongoing
Amber Humidity Advisory	100%	You are the air
Gentle Breeze Notice	Since the wind started	Breezy
Frost Warning	2019	Your freezer
Tsunami Advisory	Once, briefly	The wave was friendly

Current Weather

27°C

Feels like 27°C, but louder

Update at 11:40 (the time is also weather)

Relative Humidity

100% — you are now part of the air

Minimum / Maximum

27°C / 27°C (the temperature has agreed to stay put)

UV Index

3 (Moderate) — consider a hat, or don't

Rain Probability

Certain, probably not

Wind

Gentle. The wind is not angry.

Mean Sea Level Pressure

Yes

Visibility

Sufficient (if you can see, it is sufficient)

General Situation

An anticyclone aloft is bringing weather to Guangdong. It has been doing so for some time. The Observatory has no further comment. Members of the public are reminded that the sky remains up.

Relative humidity over parts of the territory is 100%, meaning residents are now technically part of the air. No action is required.

Astro

Sunrise

06:11 (subject to the sun)

Sunset

Later

Moon Age

8 days — it is doing its best

Regional Temperature (as measured, or estimated)

District	Temperature	Note
Central	27°C	Agreeable
Kowloon	27°C	Also agreeable
Sha Tin	27°C	Suspiciously agreeable
Your Kitchen	31°C	Someone is cooking
The Shade	24°C	Recommended
Direct Sunlight	41°C	Please do not stand here
Underground Car Park	22°C	Oddly pleasant
Inside a Coat	34°C	Self-inflicted
The Window (as observed)	—	Being looked out of

9-Day Outlook

20 Sep

(SUN)

Sunny, then not.

27 – 32°C

Certain

21 Sep

(MON)

Cloudy with a chance of clouds.

26 – 31°C

Probably Not

22 Sep

(TUE)

Rain, or the absence thereof.

25 – 29°C

Who Knows

23 Sep

(WED)

Windy. The wind is not angry.

26 – 30°C

Ask Again Later

24 Sep

(THU)

Humid. You are now part of the air.

27 – 31°C

Mildly Possible

25 Sep

(FRI)

Typhoon Signal No. 11 possible if the numbers arrive.

27 – 33°C

Unlikely

26 Sep

(SAT)

Mild. Please dress mildly.

25 – 30°C

Definitely Maybe

27 Sep

(SUN)

The weather will continue.

26 – 31°C

No Idea

28 Sep

(MON)

Unsettled. So are we.

26 – 30°C

Yes, Probably

UV Index & Health Advice

UV Index

3 (Moderate)

Advice

Consider a hat, or don't

Sunscreen

Optional, but brave

The Sun

Has been notified

Risk of Sunburn

Low to existential

Members of the public who intend to remain outdoors are advised to also consider remaining indoors.

Marine & Sea Conditions

Sea Temperature

Warm

Wave Height

A wave

Fish

Informed

Sea State

Wet

Advisory

The sea is not angry either

Small craft are advised to remain small.

Frequently Asked Questions

Will it rain tomorrow?: The Observatory does not comment on the future.
Is it hot today?: Comparatively.
When will the rain stop?: When it stops. The Observatory is monitoring the situation, and the rain.
Should I bring an umbrella?: Yes. Or no. Both are defensible.
Is the wind angry?: The wind is not angry. The wind is merely moving.
Why is the sky blue?: Please see our article, "Why Is the Sky Blue and Not Beige?"
Why is there a typhoon signal with no typhoon?: The signal is correct. The typhoon is late. Please be patient with it.
Can I speak to a meteorologist?: Our Chief Meteorologist is currently looking out of the window. This is a scheduled activity and cannot be interrupted.

What's New

Earthquake Report

A magnitude 0.3 tremor was felt by one person, who was mistaken.

The Observatory received a single report from a resident who described the experience as "probably the fridge". No further reports are expected, and none have been received.

Magnitude

0.3

Felt by

1 person (in error)

Epicentre

The kitchen

Action required

None

Careers at the Observatory

Window Looker (Senior)

Requirements: ability to look. Experience with windows preferred.

Full timeOn-siteWindow provided

Closing date: when the window closes.

Rain Namer

Requirements: creativity. Must be comfortable with the word "drizzle".

Part timeRemote (outdoors)

Portfolio of previous rain required.

Future Correspondent

Requirements: none. The future is not available for comment.

IndefiniteLater

Start date: soon, or not.

Public Consultation on the Sky

The Observatory invites public views on the sky. All views will be considered and then looked at.

"It's up"

4,102

"It's grey"

987

"No comment"

Consultation closes

Eventually

Weather Information Hotline

Hotline

1878 200

Status

Quiet, like the weather

Wait time

None (nobody is calling)

Subscribe to My Observatory and you will be notified when the weather happens. Notifications are sent after the weather, so that they are accurate.

Thought for the Day

"There is no bad weather — only weather for which the Observatory has not yet apologised."
— Hong Kong Observatory (fictional), published daily, weather permitting